Successfully Coping with First Day of School Anxiety

You don't have to be Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise to boldly go where no man has gone before.

From late August to early September, millions of students and their parents face the daunting task of going where they themselves have not gone before:  starting kindergarten, first grade, middle school, high school or even college. 

Naomi Dworkin, a child psychiatrist from Belmont, has advice for parents facing important transitions in their child's as well as their own life.

Watch parents drop off their child for kindergarten for the first time and move forward a decade or so to see the expressions of those dropping off their child to college.

The age of the child, the locales and situations are different, but the expressions of anxiety and loss are there, along with the excitement of exploring new frontiers of experience, both desirable and inevitable. 

Certainly, strategies for coping with anxiety about school or any milestone will differ for a five year old as for an 18 year old.  Still, in both – and perhaps for all ages – parents are presented with an opportunity to model the independence and courage for their child to face many life challenges, including the first day of school.

Some parents, Dworkin warns, may get caught up in a child's anxiety, so much so that they unwittingly reinforce and accelerate the child's fears.

Consider the child who cannot sleep the night before school begins and does not have chronic problems getting to sleep.  Johnny or Jane may come into their parents' room to be protected and assured.

Although there is no rigid rule when the child can spend the night, when the parents do allow it, the implied message may be, Dworkin suggests, "You're right. It's not safe. You can stay with us."

It may be better to help the child see that his or her bedroom is secure. With a little coaxing and reassurance, the child can return to bed and begin to learn control over panic.

Like the fears that disturb the child's sleep, all ages, including adults who raise children, should know that life is full of challenges and problems.

Parents have a responsibility to give their child an honest appraisal of what each of us faces.

Dworkin cautions parents against being too Pollyannaish, too optimistic about life, which dismisses the child's anxiety as completely unwarranted, or too pessimistic, which suggests the child faces overwhelming odds.

Parents owe their child the opportunity of facing a milestone – the first day of kindergarten or college orientation -- to build resilience. This is the ability to bounce back from adversity, to boldly face a new experience.

The confidence is that when inevitable problems occur, the child – perhaps along with the parents and the school – will face and solve them. Learning resilience may be the hidden blessing of dealing with the anxiety of the first day, Dworkin says.