Slices of Life: Ramadan Reflections

Written by Belmont Patch columnist Lisa Gibalerio

Earlier in the summer, I received this text from my 15-year-old son, who was at his friend’s house:

“Can we hang out at our house now?  It’s almost sunset.” 

“Sure.”  I texted back, thinking – almost sunset?  So, I typed: “Why though?”

The reply: “Furqan and his family have to pray.”

Never one not to support prayer, I did wonder what religion Furqan Sayeed was. The answer came soon after when my son starting talking about what the holy month of Ramadan would mean for Furqan and his family.  

“They have to fast all day until sunset. He can’t even sip water. Or chew gum,” he said.

Furqan, I deduced, is Muslim.

Then, imagining a 28-day fast, I groaned. At the time, we were in the midst of an oppressive heat wave, which I survived by savoring popsicles about every 20 minutes.

This all got me thinking about how little I understood about Muslims, Islam, Mohammad. I realized with horror that I only really read about the religion when one of the extremist fringe groups made the news. Which is like saying you understand Christianity by studying the actions of the Ku Klux Klan.

To remedy this, I asked Furqan  – who is entering the 10th grade in September – if he would talk with me about his religion and his culture, and he agreed. This past weekend, we finally got together.

While both his parents were born in Pakistan, Furqan began, they were raised in Dubai, where his grandparents worked. His parents met at Brown University and both are now American citizens. Furqan and his two younger brothers were born here and speak Urdu, as well as English.

I asked Furqan to tell me the basics about his religion.

“There are five main points called the Five Pillars of Islam and include:  believing in God, praying five times a day, fasting, charity, and making a pilgrimage to Mecca.  These Five Pillars are taught in the Koran. We are also taught to follow what the prophet has revealed in the Koran.”

He went on to tell me that he tries to read the Koran, which is written in Arabic, once a day. On Fridays, he said, he and his family pray at a mosque.

I told Furqan that I’d heard that the Koran models violence as well as harsh treatment of women.

“When the Koran was revealed, over 1,000 years ago, it was actually considered liberal in its treatment of women," he said.  

"But not when it is read today. There are violent passages, but the messages of peace and forgiveness are strong. Islam also states that while it is OK to defend yourself against aggression with aggression, you are never supposed to harm innocent people. Muslims know this, the extreme fundamentalist groups do not.”

Furqan and I then chatted about Ramadan. I asked him when he first began fasting and what the experience was like for him.

“I started fasting gradually from the age of eight. Younger kids try to do a few days, and then you add more. Some kids my age are still not fasting for the whole month.  It depends. Ramadan is meant to be a month to foster spiritual growth and also a deeper awareness of those who have less. It is a time to pray and to read the Koran. Fasting makes you grateful, but at the beginning of the month, it is hard.  You do get used to it, though.”

Ever mindful of my own need to trim down, I asked him if people tend to lose weight.  

“Some do,” he said, “but my family prepares such an awesome feast at sundown, that we tend not to.”

I asked Furqan if he ever felt discriminated against. He said no, but that he got an awful feeling when he heard that the Boston Marathon bombers were Muslim. They were not mainstream Muslims, he explained, they were extremists.

“The extremists use parts of the Koran as a justification for violence.  But most of the Koran encourages peace.”

This made sense to me.  I told Furqan that the Bible is also open for interpretation and that passages exist that promote beating disobedient children and stoning willful women.

Since it always bothered me that the Bible says so little about heaven, I asked Furqan to tell me how heaven is described in the Koran.

“Heaven is supposed to be better than anything we could imagine it to be.  And the reverse is true for hell. It will be worse than anything we can imagine.”

As our conversation wound down, I asked Furqan if he felt excluded when many of his friends celebrated Christmas or Hanukkah. 

“Well, when Ramadan ends Wednesday, another holiday starts on Thursday.  It’s called Eid. This is our time to celebrate and we get presents then too.”

I am happy to report that my family will be sharing in the breaking of the fast with Furqan’s family Wednesday night.  

A slice of Ramadan!